Um, no.

Shopping for ski apparel...

Sneaking up on a hawk

It's finally fall in Florida. In December.

The stockings were hung by the cardboard and foil chimney with care...

Santa's little helper is about to get chucked out the door

Christmas in Florida

Should have opted for the flu shot

She ditched me for a dude!

See? The exercise ball IS getting used!

Two more hours of waiting.

Cellphone photography doesn't do it justice. We'll have to hold out for Smellphone technology.

Kids 5 and under aren't intrigued, it turns out.

Actually, there was a little more yapping than I was expecting, too. Still, great dance scenes.

Over the gulf and thru the lovebugs, to grandmother's house we go!

The car trip begins with green candycanes

Don't bogart the pita, son.

Trying to break up the McNugget monotony.

Also, they hate us at the local craft store.

(In case you don't recognize it, he's setting up a chess board.)

...and that's why you never jump on the bed.

"Hamster stretch"

The real challenge is trying to focus on deep breathing when I'm laughing so hard.

My yoga partner

Boob the Builder

A moth on the windshield wasn't cool before I had kids

"Look, Dad! I found a severed hand!"

(For all you Arrested Development fans.)

Strawberry Shortcake prepares to dream

Believe it or not, this was by accident. After finishing the bedtime story ("Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business"), I tossed her throw-blanket over her, and the results made me giggle so much I had to grab my cellphone and send a pic to her daddy, who is working late again.

A typical Sunday.

Scribbling pointlessly on the lanai in the tropical heat while Hubby and his dad play chess. Watching the bambinos beg partially hydrogendated gunk from their grandmother. Reaching for another Icehouse because they're cold and there's lots of them.

NOW will clean up your room??

Vacationing in North Florida.

I met my first namesake! Ever!

Face-to-face, anyway.

Themed Band-Aids are a mistake

The entire box always disappears long before an actual boo-boo occurs.

Drum set by Campbell's

The MIL taught them this little trick. Now I can never find a can of corn when I need it.

Bedtime rountine includes Leapster

How come everyone can do this trick except me???

Seriously. Even my 5-year old can do it. I knew I had a stupid nose, but can't it even do simple tricks?

Too hot to be outdoors

Time to hit the theater. And the pah-corn.

We love the taste of hurricane in the morning...

Mmmmm... Alberto.

Ugh! A filling in her baby teeth!

I hope this doesn't go down in her permanent record...

I want this chair.

Can I have 500 bucks to buy it? Please? Don't you love me at all? Don't you want me to be happy? More importantly, don't you want my butt to be happy?

On second thought...

after watching this particularly frightening Sand Tiger Shark swim slowly past me for the 3rd time, I began to reconsider the cage diving idea...

Saturday's visit to the aquarium

Turns out that my daughter is shark-crazy, just like I am. Maybe someday we'll cage dive together with Great Whites near the Farallons -- at least that what I put on my 50-Things-To-Do Before-I-Die list.

more brushfires

The brown clouds are smoke right behind our neighborhood grocery store, a few miles from home. If we don't get some rain soon we may get torched along with the dead grass. Of course, while we're having brush fires we're preparing for hurricanes. WHY AM I LIVING HERE??!?!?!

A pre-schooler a day keeps the doctor away

I don't blame the dentist for being wary of my daughter. She scares the begeebees out of me daily.

Rat out. Pig in.

We ditched the sneezing rat and got a guinea pig. I'm trying not to get as attached to this rodent as I did the rat, but I'm definitely the lead cage cleaner and fresh veggie provider so far.

Don't tell Mickey.

Here we are at DisneyWorld, outside the Star Wars ride, and all my son is interested in is the fire extinguisher. Also, now that I'm looking at this, he's clearly due for a haircut.

Extinguisherphile

My 2-year old has an infatuation with fire extinguishers. I haven't decided whether this is a good thing (heroic firefighter?) or bad thing (pyromaniac?), but it's definitely an annoying thing because he spots EVERY red cannister in EVERY store, and we have to visit each one.

Ya gotta start em early

(Notice the phone books under her.)

My birthday hair!

I'm at the salon, going blonde, as we speak.

My birthday sandwich!

Westfalian Ham, Havarti, and butter on a baguette from the German deli. Heaven. Simply heaven.

Liesel the Lunchroom Lady

For the boy I created a hot dog caterpillar with pickle grass and a ketchup heart for dipping, along with mandarin oranges and Cheetos (the natural ones, without the orange coloring -- they're SO addictive, don't even try one, I'm warning you). The girl got a bologna fish with pickle seaweed, apple slices and Babybel cheese.

They both sat and picked at their trays for 3 minutes and then asked for popsicles.

POPSICLES!!

Is it too late to return them both for a full refund? How about swapping them for a pair of Bernese Mountain dogs?

Leashed cat on slide = bad idea

But believe it or not, she was purring the whole time.

Leashed cat in playhouse = cute idea

My son is part Chow.

In case you were in the market for hideous clothes

...there is a sale at Steinmart.

Swimming season has begun

Now, who in their right mind...

I was looking for a turkey breast when I discovered this in the freezer case. I guess it's a combination of Turkey, Duck and Chicken. But it just *can't* be a good idea to begin a product name with "turd." Call me crazy.